How I Met Your Mother- Of Course, Michael
by regertz
Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.
1. Chapter 1

How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.

General Note: If you prefer to stick to ending one as aired, fine by me. But they did create an upbeat alternate ending which can be viewed (sorry can't put the web link up on ffnet but try google search or youtube or go to my Buffy Rebecca verse in a few days.)

And oh, come on. After that Canadian rehersal dinner and the proposal, how could Barney ever let Robin go? And you know she'd kill him first. You want "in the real world", fine…Robin's not right for him and Ted's a fool to risk his happiness over the wrong girl but the right best friend.

Part I…

Maclaren's Bar…2019

"So…" Ted, reclining in The Booth, eyeing Robin, nursing a club soda…A heavily pregnant Robin… "The Dyad Clinic came through…"

"What can I say? Canadian science, however briefly illegal and unethical, came through…" Robin beamed. "But I owe it all to the Barnacle hus-bro and the Marshall friend-bro for putting the screws to them when Goliath-Gotham took over."

"And you're going to have Barney Stinson's baby…" Tracy, beside Ted, gave mock anxious look. "Bringing another Barney or his female counterpart into the world."

"Oh, he's already got the female counterpart in wife-bro." Robin, proudly. "But also in her, if you get me." Sly grin. "High-five!" raising hand.

The Mosbys eyeing each other…

"Guys, I had to have major surgery for this and I could die…Minor risk, do not tell Barney…" Robin, pleading look, holding hand up yet…

Ted, at Tracy's urgent look, returning the slap.

"Die?" he eyed Robin anxiously.

"Minor, teensy-weensy risk…Less than twenty percent." Robin shrugged. "Believe you me, Ellie is gonna see the light of day if I have to yank her out with forceps myself. And of course, I'll live to see her become Prime Minister of Canada or something nearly as good...Like President of the US."

"No desire to keep it a mystery?" Tracy asked.

"Eh, the hus-bro was all…'Since it's just one time only, a little girl I can make up to for all…' "Sob… "'Your father…'" Weeping… "'Did to you…' Oh, God, I love that man so…" Robin, head on table sobbing. Ted and Tracy staring…

Hormones…Tracy mouthed. Super-duper level, I'd say, probably part of the protocol…

"So yeah, a girl…" Robin raised head, wiping quickly with napkin Ted offered. "But a boy next, there's gotta be a Barney Jr."

"But…" Ted blinked. "You just said…"

"Eh, like ridin' a Zamboni…Once you've done it once, it's a piece of cake." Robin eyed watch. "I got three-thirty, that sound…?"

"For the fourth time, yeah, your watch is right." Tracy nodded. "What's up with the concern for precise time, Scherbatsky-Stinson?"

"Yeah, why are you so anxious about the time?" Ted chimed in. "This isn't some practical joke of Barney's where you're not pregnant and only pretending to still be married?"

"What?" Robin stared.

"Say, what, Mosby?" Tracy frowned.

"Just a guess…A detection…Mosby Boys!"

"More like a Mosby Boy fantasy…" Tracy sighed.

"Trace…" Ted, anxiously.

"Ted, I get you still have the occasional fantasy…And believe you me, given your history, I'm relieved it's only about the fat hippo chick here…" grin at Robin.

"Excuse me?" Robin blinked.

"…And I can deal since I happen to know I'm the One and the best thing ever to happen to you… But, there are limits, Mosby. Loving warning." Shrewd nod.

"I'm a what…?" Robin blinked.

"I was a blimp each time and maybe will be again, get over it." Tracy shrugged.

"Trace…?" Ted, eagerly.

"No, no signs…" she sighed. "God, no, please…For another year or two."

"I didn't mean anything by…" Ted began. "Well, maybe a little speculation…"

"That Barney and I aren't still married?!" Robin glared. "God, Ted…Why did I ever tell you of all people about Argentina? Geesh…"

"Why did you?" Tracy asked, a bit coyly.

"Not you too…" fuming stare, sudden weeping… "My best friends…"

Uh…Ted eyed Tracy…Tracy, Ted.

Well, she is undoubtedly pregnant…This is not some Stinson prank or magic trick.

"Well…I guess there was a reason…" Robin, suddenly as she'd started weeping, calm again. "I figured it couldn't hurt if Ted knew we'd hit a hard one but made it through. I mean, just in case…"

"After we'd been together three years and had a baby…" Tracy eyed her.

"You were the one who got after Ted just now…" Robin frowned, looking to Ted.

Oh, ho, ho…No, no, no way am I offering that argument any support here, dear, he eyed her innocently. Say what?

"I'm the Wife and Mother, I'm allowed festering worry regards the Mosby…"

Ted, horrified look…

"It's ok, honey. We're good." Tracy patted him. "But look I'm no Victoria, content to just shove this and you, no offense Robin, I really do love you, honey, you're family, forever into the memory hole, supposedly forever banned, gone, and forgotten. I deal right out in the open. And I play to win. No 'nobly repressed secret passion' crap with Tracy Mosby." Cool nod.

"Keep this girl, Mosby." Robin noted. "This is almost exactly what I say to each and every former bimbo Barney and I run into. Except I often kinda threaten them with a gun…"

The others stared…

"Only if they start assaulting Barney…" she put up a hand. "Which does happen rather often…Then it gets worse and I have to intervene with maximum force."

"What, they try to really kill him? Not that surprising…" Ted noted.

"No, not often enough…That would be easy if they were all just psychos. No…They get all 'Oh, Barney…Varney…Baron von Stinson…You finally are settling down? Committing?'. Then the bitches get all doe-eyed and coyly wondering how we're doin' and I know I gots to lay the law down and put the gun out, on the table." Robin, firm nod. "I mean…I trust Barnabas J. with my life, no question, but these bitches I trust as far as my bullets can have lasting impact."

"But after all…" she sighed fondly. "Argentina's where I found out what Barney was up to when he finally got me to admit I felt I'd cheated him babywise. And admitted how much I wanted his kid. And offered him the out which he refused to take…Oh…" fond sigh.

"He was researching with Marshall on all those biotech places Goliath-Gotham held shares in, that was so sweet." Tracy nodded.

"And while working on that blog of his, which as you know, did turn out to be quite the little money-maker, ads- and products-wise for Scherbatsky-Stinson, Inc." Robin, proudly. "'The Gentlemanly Bro's Guide…', available now in book form and audio CD or on Itunes." She turns to us, breaking the fourth wall.

"Yeah…Great, especially considering you're rich and Barney made a fortune before he pulled the plug on Greg at Goliath." Ted, somewhat brittlely.

"Isn't it good to know it's only greed that's kept Ted's interest in me all these years…" Robin archly to Tracy.

"All right…Anyway, I'm sorry, ladies…I didn't mean to…Dwell…Honestly…" Ted sighed. "I won't do it again…"

"Especially not in the bathroom, with a cloth…" Robin grinned wickedly. Tracy, wry smile…

"Guys…" Ted sighed.

"Hmmn…" Tracy pondered. "Well, I suppose I'd feel better if I had you lobotomized but then I could never leave you alone with the kids again…And Mama gotta have her some me time, sometime."

"Thanks…I think." Ted blinked.

"Calm down, Mosby." Robin noted with smile. "Your girl's Mountie caliber and just makin' her claim on you clear. Fortunately there is no one on God's Earth like Barnabas J. Stinson and much as I fondly cherish our past and our current and forever platonic friendship, you just never did quite do it for me, babe. Wonderful as you admittedly are, for me there's only Barney. Dear God…" she grinned. "Whoda thunk it, ya know? But after all, we are Canadians."

"Well, at least we can all agree on that…There is no one on God's Earth like Barney Stinson." Ted raised beer mug. The others following.

"And no one like Tracy McConnell Mosby…And thank you, God, she's put up with me so far." He noted, holding raised mug.

"And will never let go…The secret to a lasting relationship with Ted Mosby." Tracy noted, clinking his mug with hers.

"Mosby, yous a lucky man. And three-fourty, right?" Robin eyed the bar's clock, then her watch.

"So again, what's with the time obsession?" Ted asked. "Are you supposed to take meds or something. God…" he blinked. "Tell us you're not about to blow."

"Nah…Two months yet and only under ICU care at Dyad." Robin shook head.

Ted and Tracy eyeing each other.

"You oughta see the medical team Barney's lined up…I think one of them is an ex-Prime Minister of New Zealand. No, it's not about my Ellie girl here…" sigh.

"Barney's touring some of Goliath-Gotham's sleazier assets?" Ted suggested. "And promised to do it with Marshall and to be here right at the time you calculated would take to physically walk fast through them?"

"Good, but not quite…" Robin nodded, considering. "Look, you can't tell Barney. He'd want to prove himself and…That could mess things up. Plus, he might be hurt if he knew what I was up to."

Tracy, puzzled…Ted, suddenly horrified.

"Oh, God you've put a Michael Corleone on each and every one of Barney's one-night stands who still call him pretending to be mad…You're having them all killed at the same time."

"No…" Robin frowned, shaking head. "I mean not a bad idea but…"

"But…" Tracy, shrewdly… "It does have to do with Barney's girlfriends…" Arch look to Ted as Robin hesitated.

"McConnell Girls!" she noted in triumph offering Ted a high-five which he glumly answered.

Damn…The Mosby Boys could've cracked this one with just a little more…Oooh!

"Ah, it's a special one. Oh!" Ted gasped. "You're whacking only the best of them…And that would be…Oh, my God, poor Nora!"

"Ted?" Robin glared. "Much as I might enjoy seeing Nora's body lifeless on this floor, she's a work friend, sort of. In the sense we worked together once and sometimes she and I encounter in the business…And Barney sees how much more successful I am." Smile.

"It's not whacking, Ted." Tracy noted, shrewd look at Robin. "Though you do fear this one…"

"Ah, ah!" Ted raised hand. "Quinn! It's Quinn! You're having her arrested and deported or something. Or maybe fixing her up?"

"Come on…Quinn's happily married, Ted." Robin shook head. "Barney and I were at her wedding and we get Xmas cards from her every year."

"Really? You and Barney keep in touch with her?" Tracy asked.

"Sort of…Yeah…"

Cut to shot of Robin at desk receiving surveillance report on Quinn from middle-aged detective. Hugely pregnant again and not taking off the weight in between…Excellent, she nods, eyeing surveillance photo.

Sending her those gift boxes of prime steaks and gourmet cookies is worth the hefty cost.

"So if it's not Nora…And it's not Quinn? And you're sure you're not having them whacked…" Ted pondered.

"We'd better hurry, honey…" a passing girl noted to her male companion. "Ms. Appleby's book signing starts at four."

Ted, stunned look…Oh!

"Anita Appleby! It's Anita Appleby." he gasped. "Mosby Boys!" he raised hand.

Tracy and Robin frowning…Come on…

"The writer of those crappy self-help books?" Tracy stared. "Oh, right. She dated Barney once, Ted told me."

"I said she tried…" Ted noted.

"And never stopped trying…" Robin frowned.

"And you don't want Barney to know she's here? Robin…" Ted began.

"I don't want her to know Barney's going to be here, at five." She frowned. "Ted. I trust Barney completely. I just don't trust that self-programmed psycho. You remember how she kept trying to get him back after he broke up with her. Brainwashed by her own psychobabble…" slight nervous glance round, then eyeing Tracy's sympathetic look.

"Barney is a hard act to miss…" nervous shrug.

"Well, I remember that night here…She kept trying everything. But that was it, the one night…" Ted blinked…No…? He stared.

"That's right. Barney didn't tell you everything." Robin nodded.

…..

Goliath National Bank, 2010…

"Leave a message…" Barney told the phone. "And, sorry, the previous owner of this phone is deceased and this company bears no responsibility for his actions."

"Barney! I know you're there!"

"Beep…" Barney put down the phone.

"Wonder who that was…?" he pondered. "I nailed five chicks in succession last week…Three were likely callers, two were likely determined callers…Well, who cares." He looked to see Marshall Ericksen in his doorway.

"Is it time for our conference call?" he asked as Marshall entered, looking anxious and quickly shutting the door.

Ok…Clearly not our rooftop cigarettes and beer break…Hmmn…

One day that man will learn to wear a suit on his own, Barney, waiting expectantly for a request on suit adjustment or maintenance.

And perhaps be able to afford one worthy of being called a suit besides the one I had made for him. Which is starting to show its…Dear God! "Is that a fray?!" Barney gasped, pointing.

"Dude…" Marshall sighed. "You gotta take your calls from these girls. One of them has been calling all over the office, finally found me. And this one knows me."

"Really?" puzzled look… "I don't remember bothering to have any of my bimbos introduced recently except…"

"Yeah." Marshall nodded. "Anita Appleby. She wants you to call her."

"Ah…No wonder she keeps saying 'It's me' as if I should know or care. Call her, eh? Yeah. Like that's gonna happen. If she ever calls again…"

"She's been calling every half-hour and I swear I will give her your home address and tell her you're desperate to see her again but too ashamed to talk to her about last night."

The phone rang… Barney frowning. Marshall shaking head as Barney raised a forefinger and shook head. "It's another one…No, I think she's trying a fake voice now." He pressed button… "Ok, I'm having her calls directed automatically to the office of the chief of secret police in Zimbabwe. Sooner or later, he'll either make a date or have her brought in for torture." Marshall rolling eyes…

"So you knew who it was…And why she was calling…? Barney?"

"Eh…Ok…But Marshall, I'm the victim here." Barney, pleading tone. "You saw the other night. I was a decent guy, I told her I knew she was just doing it for Robin and that even if she'd decided she wanted to try to ride the Stinson superdate it wasn't gonna work for us. She was a professional, a truly worthy player foe, she should have been able to deal…It was her book's whole point after all. But then she went all 'crazy eyes' the whole evening, camping out at that booth near us and coming over to offer something else, every few minutes..."

"Yeah, that was creepy after the third time but dude you should have considered that trip to Rio and the Swiss bank account."

"That was quite an offer…" Barney nodded thoughtfully.

"Well, why don't you date her? Just a date, not a suuupper one. Just once to get you out of her system? I've no doubt one jolt of Stinson will clear her head." Marshall frowned. "I mean …Robin's with Don and it's not like you and she…" he eyed Barney who eyed him back.

Shake of head…

"Jesus. That's it. Lily's right. You won't date Anita because of Robin." Marshall pulled back a bit to eye Barney more fully, head to toe. "I see that foot trembling…"

"That's not true, entirely…" Barney frowned. "And my foot's just asleep…"

"Dude…" Marshall sighed. "This is Lily's spirit talking through her soulmate. She is never wrong about these things, except sometimes with Ted…And herself when she broke up with me. But on this I know she's right."

"No, that's not it. It's just I sorta promised…Robin…" Barney sighed.

Marshall, rolling eyes, exasperated expression…

"Oh my God…Barney? 'Sorta promised'? You pass on a girl like Anita? Who's more alluring with each return…? Well, at least the pot gets larger each time… It's impossible. Physically, for you. And you're gonna claim it's not…"

"Oh, really?" Barney, miffed tone. "Can you tell me how many girls I've been willing to take on after rejecting me? Well, I mean, after my overcoming their loathing of me to bang them the one time required by the Bro Code? And then their wanting to go on and have a 'relationship' afterward cause now we're 'stronger for having been through a rough patch at the start'."

"Uh…Not many…Of those."

"Two. Two, Marshall…And it was only two because they were twins…And how could I pass on a repeat that? High-five!"

Marshall frowning but…Well, that is awesome, twins in rerun…I…

Wait a minute?

"I know of only one twins set you ever hooked. The two college girls when you were supposed to be my wingman/bro, when Lily and I were broken."

"Yes, you and Lily are kinda like a concrete slab now…Flat, gray…Not even English grey with an e…And dull." Barney chortled. "But, kudos on a great memory."

"Law school training but thanks. And thanks forever, from both of us, for stealing every girl I could've wrongly hooked up with." Marshall nodded. "So it was my twin and the other…"

"Marshall? 'Your' twin? They're human beings, dude. Geesh." Solemn tone. "And god, they transcended their Humanity that night…Uh…What were we talking about? Twins, right? And you know I did a set once?"

"Barney?! We're talking about why you won't date Anita."

"Oh right, Anita. Nice girl if a bit full of her psychobabble self."

"You do owe her a super date."

"No, Marshall…I owed Robin." Firm nod.

"No, dude…You love Robin." Marshall smiled. "That wasn't a debt paid, it was a gift…A fairly unselfish one at that. But that still leaves you owing Anita."

"Dude…The lady tricked me, she was aiming to punish me, just for kicks and to prove she could." Barney frowned. "I just paid her back in kind." He noted.

"Done as a favor to Robin. Overruled. Not a punishment, you are lawyered!" Marshall insisted. "And 'paid her back in kind'? Dude? You may be a worthless human being where women who aren't your mom or Robin are concerned but generally you've only been consciously mean to that girl of yours Shannon…Who, given the way she behaved when you broke up…I'll allow it."

"Well…" shrug… "Maybe that was a little strong. But I don't owe her a date."

"Barney? Why are you afraid of dating this woman? Do you like her?" Marshall eyed him carefully.

"If I 'liked' her, Marshall…In push-up bra and on all fours, you remember her last offer before I finally got the police to take her from my door? After I had you and Lily smuggle me home in that box from Maclaren's dumpster to try and convince her it was your place."

"Indeed I do…That was quite…Awful, it was awful." Marshall shook himself. "Just…Awful…"

"Jesus, is that your built-in Lily going off?…Anyway, if I liked her I'd be dating her tonight. Say, how about we remember that I'm your superior here and you go back to doing whatever the hell crap you were about to do when you decided to barge in here. Though whatever it was, there's never reason to allow a suit to be abused like that…" he frowned at Marshall.

"I am trying to do my job but your lady friend keeps calling..."

"Anita's not my lady or my friend…" Barney paused.

"Because you already have both…And they're named…Robin." Marshall smiled. "I know the feeling."

Barney glaring…"Alright…Alright Marshall." Narrow-eyed stare… "Challenge accepted. I'll call Anita…And I'll date her…And bang her… Just to show you how wrong you are."

"Barney, you did what you did to make Robin happy. Why not treat Anita decently, have a quiet nice date, and really impress Robin when you end things politely?"

Barney frowned. "I'm not trying to impress Robin. I'm done with her. She's done with me."

"As you say…But…Methinks thou doth…" arch smile.

"Oh, thou doth, dost thou?" glare from Barney.

"We're talking like Ted at the Re-naissance Fair, you know." Marshall sighed.

"Yeah, what's up with that? Oh, I know…" Barney, sneering. "You've got Teditis and you're spreading it. You're like 'Tedphoid' Marshall…Typhoid Mary's annoying cousin."

"Well, your only reason for avoiding Anita was that you didn't want to hurt Robin… So a good reason for dating her is to prove to Robin that Anita doesn't mean anything to you. No offense to Ms. Appleby meant there." He noted.

"Robin is with someone else, she doesn't care…" Barney began…

Marshall smiling…

"What?" Barney eyed him narrowly.

"I give it…Oh, say…Three months…" Marshall beamed.

"She's ready to move it with him…" Barney frowned.

"She was once ready to move in with Ted." Marshall pointed out. "And when she did, it didn't work out."

"Yeah, because Mosby doesn't…" Barney began…

("Wait…Barney told you all this?" Ted stared. "Sure…" Robin nodded.

"And he actually concluded…Being the mountain of sensitivity that he is…" Ted, frowning…

"Mosby. Shut up before you say something stupid, based solely on hurt ego." Tracy cut in, firmly. "Robin? Tell us more of how Barney instinctively knew you and Ted didn't have a future." Insistent tone.)

"…Well…It doesn't matter." Barney frowned.

"Dude. You don't think Robin and Ted are right…You think Robin belongs with you." Marshall noted. "And Lily and I know that deep down, there's some faint Anakin spark in you that would make you give up Robin to Ted if you didn't really believe that. Of course given Anakin murdered Jedi children looking to him for help and billions of others, despised democracy and the average Republic citizen, betrayed his wife's love…Saving his own son really didn't cut it redemption wise, did it?"

"Hello? What have I been saying all the years we watched the trilogy? But I never said that crap about Robin belonging with me. It's just…" nervous shrug… "I don't think Robin and Ted work. And I mean beyond the surface cloying horror of their hooked-up days."

Hmmn…Marshall sighed. Much as I hate betting against myself here, I hafta admit…There is something holding them back. A Stinson-something, I'd say. Though…Maybe not just holding Robin…

"But that's got nothing to do with me. Or Robin. We are done. And to prove that I was only trying to keep my promise and you wrong, I will date Anita Appleby. I will bang Anita Appleby. And I will then, dump Anita Appleby…"

"Dude?"

"It's the logical conclusion of our relationship, Marshall…And what she really wants, once she's proven her psychobabble even works on her. Again, challenge accepted!"

"Ok, fine, but don't be nasty…" Marshall sighed.

"Nasty? Certainly not…Noooo…" Barney pondered, nodding. "Cause in her current state, judging by her calls and her increasing irrationality, 'nasty' would probably have her either kidnapping me and forcing a wedding at gunpoint or at least have her pounding at the Fortress of Barnitude every night. I mean unlike how she pounds at the entrance to my building and Jacques the doorman holds her off with his taser. 'Nasty' would only drive her to even greater efforts. No, I must tread Tedly here…Nicely…Yes…" careful nod. "You're quite right, Marshall. The way to break my self-hypnotized groupie is to cloy her to death with kindness. In short…To…Ted her."

"That might be going too far, Barney…" Marshall, alarmed tone. "Doing the Ted is a delicate maneuver…If you get it wrong…You could caught up in it…Forever."

(Cut to chapel scene…A reluctant Barney in groom's tux, a beaming Anita in wedding dress beside him. "What a wonderful day, darling." Anita, rapturous. "Yeah, and you look…Lovely…Darling…" Barney, sighing.

"Dude? When are you dumping her?" Best man Marshall stepping forward to hiss…

"I keeping thinking, no, it's not the right time. She'd be hurt, it's mean." Barney, desperate look. "I can't come out of Ted mode, help me, Marshall!"

"Sorry, dude…It's just…Too late." Marshall, shaking head.

Ted in pew alongside Robin and Lily… "See, if that were me, I'd've explained to Anita that we're not really right for each other and…"

"Oh, please…" Lily frowned. "You'd either text her a break up or let her find you with Robin.")

"Oh, believe me…Once she's had the Barnacle wrapped in a Ted skin, she'll be cured and revert to bitchiness."

"And you?" Marshall, careful eyeing. "You were pretty desperate to land her before…"

"The lure of the 'no'. She was right about that. It's like with those nerdy guys, like you and Ted, who ignore lovelies at parties and before the night is through the babes are actually hitting on you cause indifference is the one thing they and admittedly, I, cannot stand...But I am immune to her now."

"Thanks…" frown. "But you do have the Robin vaccine, true enough…" Marshall grinned.

"I do not!" insistent glare "I'm simply immunized against Appleby's disease." Barney frowned. "It's a case of inoculation with Appleby smallpox, not vaccination with Scherbatsky cowpox."

("But it was my cowpox…Oh, he's so romantic…" Robin cooed, tearing a bit.)

"Well then, you need have no fear. Call her and set up a date. And get her off my phone…" Marshall sighed. "Last time she offered…Unspeakable things…If I set her up with you."

"Dude?" Barney blinked. "You are here, setting her up with me. And what 'unspeakable things'?"

"Well, when I said no, she explained in that case she was threatening to do the unspeakable things and tell Lily…So…"

"Wow. How…'Unspeakable'? Not that that makes a huge difference."

"Because you're doing this for Robin…" Marshall beamed.

"No…Because I want crazy Anita off my back and my douche-bag inferior, namely you, not bothering me because she's crazy." The phone buzzed…He pressed a button on desk.

"Is that the imperial march?" Marshall, listening eagerly.

"Of course…My way of saying, babe your persistence has won you entrance to the trench to the Death Star portal…" Barney nodded.

"Dude? That blows up the Death Star." Consternation…

"And if I ever allowed persistence by a bimbo or even a cutie to pay off…I'd deserve to blow up." Barney, picking up phone. "Hey there, why Anita? How nice to hear your voice again. How've you been? Really? Not able to get through? Oh, yeah…The new phone computer system has been really fouled up here. But I'm glad you called, dear. Yes, I've been so anxious to see if you might let me…" he paused, listening…Uh…?

"What?" Marshall, picturing possibilities. "Let you…What?"

"Oh, my…Anita?" Barney pondered. "Well, how about we start with dinner, at my place? Tonight? Oh, no, I'll cook."

Marshall, blinking…

His place? Cook?

"Great, well I should be set up about eight, then we could meet at…Oh, well, if you want to watch me cook, say six-thirty at my place? Great. Looking forward to it. Bye…" warm tone…He pressed button. "And, done…"

"Dude…You know murder is not an option here." Marshall nervously.

…..


	2. Chapter 2

How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.

Part II…

2019, Maclaren's…

"Ok…" Ted eyed Robin, across from him, currently engaged in trying to maneuver herself to some degree of pregnant comfort without stimulating her bladder yet again. Tracy beside Ted, sympathetically offering suggestions as to cushion placement based on her own experience trying to endure the Booth while pregnant.

"…So Barney finally did set up a date with the dragon lady of self-help who'd rather karmatically bludgeoned herself into a state of obsessive stupor with her own psychobabble technique…Without telling his supposed best bro or ever it seems letting his supposed best bro's best friend inform him of this event."

"Try pulling it forward…" Tracy urged a groaning Robin. "It shouldn't work but somehow, leaving your rear hanging in the air helps…"

"Hey it does, thanks. And it was vital he pass this on to you, why, exactly?" Robin eyed Ted.

"Because bros do that…" Ted frowned. "If you're really his wife-bro you oughta know that. When he gets here I am so declaring a violation of the Bro Code here."

"Not so fast, Mosby…" Robin put up a stern forefinger. "As the assistant chief writer, assistant producer, and devoted top reviewer of the said 'Bro Code', I declare that there was no violation of the article in question, namely article 113, to wit 'Bros who score majorly bodacious hos must share with all chief bros within 72 hours of score.'"

"Exactly…" Ted nodded… "I mean I disagree, there is a clear bro violation. Though it worries me that you knew that without looking it up."

Yeah…Don't it…? Tracy eyed Ted.

"Well…I had years of intense broposure." Ted shrugged.

"But…" Robin, solemn look… "Bro Mosby, I must refer you to subsection 113…a….'Crazy hos chasing bros may be exempt from being named by said bro to other bros if a gentlebro's commitment is involved.' In short, former chief bro Mosby, now once removed by presence of the wife-bro Scherbatsky-Stinson, namely me, if a gentlebro has pledged to keep the rep of the said 'crazy ho' protected to mitigate the said 'crazy' of the said 'crazy ho', he is thereby relieved of sharing duty, nay, required by gentlebro's pledge to maintain her secret."

"No…This bro says it ain't so." Ted frowned. Tracy eyeing him. "I challenge and demand a review of said subsection…Oh, shit…" he sighed, as Robin triumphantly lifted the hefty tome of the Bro Code to the table.

Tried to warn you, Tracy eyed Ted. I spotted the thing on the side of her bench.

Dang…

Next time telepathically tell me you're sending an important telepathic message, his look urged.

"Challenge…Accepted." Robin beamed, opening. "And here we are, article 113, subsection 113…a."

"Damn…" Ted shook head. "This is unfair, I don't think the internet copy has been updated in six months."

"Never challenge the wife-bro, Ted." Robin smiled. "Just don't."

"Hmmn…Ok, fine…" Ted fumed. "But he still mighta told me… And what happened on their date?"

"I'm still trying to picture Barney cooking…" Tracy noted.

…

"Barney…" a rather coy Anita Appleby at his door, in rather low cut green and black dress, clearly dressed to eviscerate. "So glad we finally managed to get together again….It's been a while…" Sultry tones. "May I…?"

"Certainly…" he stepped back to let her in…Just allowing her a view of the chain about his neck as she did so. "A crucifix?" she eyed him. "Barney, I'm not a vampire." "What can I say?" he shrugged. "I'm the nice Catholic boy Mrs. Stinson, or whatever last she used when I was a kid, raised." All clear, ok, Marshall? He eyed the room's main video camera. ("Dude you were as worried about the vampire thing as I was…" Marshall frowned at the image of Barney on his screen. "Ok, Lil…Not a vampire!" he called.) Anita now gently kissing Barney's cheek, then looking about. "Very nice place you have here. I've only seen it from the door before though the outside foyer is really delightful. And I was glad to that your building kept a little more greenery around the front."

"Ah…"

"Yes, when I was tasered last time it really cushioned my fall as well as really making the place distinctive. I'm so looking forward to tonight…" coy and sultry smile.

"Thanks…So? No…'No'?" he smiled at her. Her composure breaking immediately…

"Oh, no…No, no, no…No more 'No'." she rather startling him by her anxious urgency. "I'm so sorry I pulled that with you, Barney. Really, no, 'no'…Please believe me."

("No, Ted…Anita didn't have her brain transplanted like that poor woman in 'Get Out'." Robin eyed Ted's nervous look. "Though of course had she gotten her hooks into Barney that night, the Dyad folks were doing some interesting things in that field.")

"Uh…Ok…Good. Great…" Barney smiled, a bit nervously. "Why don't you have a seat and I'll bring you some wine?"

"That would be…Lovely." She resumed sultry tone, moving to the couch and taking a seat slowly, watching him as he moved back to the kitchen.

"Cabernet, Louvain '03 ok?"

"Wonderful…"

"Really sorry you weren't able to get through on my phone…" he noted from the kitchen. "And that building security here is so efficient."

"Oh, that's ok. My building's is good too. Though if you ever do choose to come by, I'd see instructions left to let you right in." she smiled. "Thanks…" taking glass from him.

"Great…" he nodded. "Well…" he offered his glass to clink hers… "To us."

"To us." She agreed, taking sip. "Oh, that's very good."

"My cab guy recommends it. In fact my cab cab as well my cabernet cab guy both recommend it." Barney noted, moving back to the kitchen.

"Say I hope you like asian stirfry…With beef or chicken or tofu, as you like." he noted.

"Sounds lovely…Beef. I could go for some thick, red meat." She eyed him.

"Oh, good…" he nodded, slight gulp. "Say, I'm so sorry about that 'superdate' thing." He called, as he pulled over some vegetables…Peppers, onions, shallots, and began chopping expertly.

"No, that was my fault…" she shook head, looking over to him. "I was mocking you, though I honestly did want to help Robin. You'd every right to say…What you said…" she gave a little tremble.

"Well, it was still a bit rude…Though I hope you weren't offended too much."

"I wasn't offended, Barney." She looked over at him, sincere gaze. "You gave me a wakeup call. I meant to help women in bad relationships not hurt men. Well, maybe hurt the bad ones a little." Wry smile… "But I was going too far… Abusing my technique. I see that now. And I'm so glad you've given me a chance to make this right."

"Really? Well, nothing to apologize for, I was making a pretty lewd series of passes."

"Because you love Robin and wanted her to be jealous." Anita looked at him. "I know, Barney. Hell, you gave the woman our date after weeks of trying to get me in the sack." Smile.

"Though I won't deny I was pretty pissed…But then I realized you must love Robin very much to forego a chance with a woman, well…Like me." Beam. "And I began to think things over and realized I'd been unfair to you. I'd seen you just as another jerk who needed his comeuppance. And Robin as someone who'd let herself be unfairly treated, a bit of a victim. You know, like all my titles "…You Dumb Slut".

"Well, Robin Scherbatsky is no one's victim." He noted. "Buttt…I'm not in love with Robin. I just felt I'd treated her badly. I mean not my normal 'babe, time to hit the pavement' badly, but as a good friend who deserved better."

"Barney…You're in love with Robin. Take it from me, I know the signs." She sighed, sipping.

He paused, then stepped out to look at her, intently. She, smiling, warmly now, to return the look.

"You're not here because you want to hook up with me, are you?" he eyed her.

"Ummn…" she looked at him. "Well…I thought I did. Really…For a while. I mean, no one's ever turned me down. 'No'd me. And even until tonight I wasn't quite sure…I mean you're very…"

"Awesome…Yes…" he nodded, filling in.

"Yes…But even before you no'd me. And sincerely no'd me…I know a real no from a fake, you know." Solemn nod.

"Please…" Barney nodded. "We're professionals, we can spot a fake 'no' to get the subject riled a mile away and turn it into a yes faster than I can take my pants off. I'd never've tried it with you. Respect." Offering fist bump…

"Respect." She agreed, returning bump.

"All right then…Why are you here, Anita? Why the pursuit when you say you're more or less over me? Was it just a challenge or…?"

"I need a favor, Barney." She sighed. "One only you can do for me. Though it has to be at the sincere level, fake won't cut it. That's why, after I finally realized why I was still trying to connect up, I came on so hard. I was hoping it would be sincere. I've lived a life of leading on and trickery, like you. But now I need sincere. My life depends on it…Nothing less." Downcast look.

"Intriguing…" Barney nodded. "Well, let me finish dinner here and we can discuss."

("And it was intriguing…But right now, I gotta pee like gangbusters." Robin rose.)

…..


	3. Chapter 3

How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.

Part III…

The Fortress of Barnitude, currently hosting a guest, certified in the Bro Code's listing of females to avoid, of the most dangerous kind…A rational woman not under the influence of extreme alcohol dosage and/or mind-befuddling lust…

…though indeed somewhat incapacitated by a recent emotional trauma.

"This is delicious. You're quite handy with those knives." Anita beamed, taking another forkful of stirfry.

"Six months' teppanyaki training in Hoboken, New Jersey of all places to prove a point to my second best bro…I'd better be." Barney nodded.

"A man like you, who'd do so much for a friend or the woman he loves…" Anita eyed him carefully…

"Please…For a bro, perhaps. There is no woman fitting that description." Firm certainty.

"Fine…" shrug. "But I knew you'd understand what I'm going through here. And that you'd help me."

"Haven't said that…Yet. But your story intrigues me, as does the developing challenge it presents. Pray…Continue." He leaned back in chair, swirling wine glass.

…

Back to present day in bar…

"So…She wasn't trying to hook up with Barney?" Ted mused.

"So she claimed…" Tracy noted, shrewd look.

"Little did she know her life now depends on the veracity of that statement." Robin, calmly.

"Ohhhhh…" Ted, Tracy. "That's what this is all about." Ted noted, arch look. "You weren't sure after Barney told you if Anita really didn't…You know?"

Robin staring…Then weeping copiously… "Ted, how could you…?" 

Ted eyeing Tracy who shrugged. "I got nothin' here, Mosby. I'm clueless as a guy with Scherbatsky-Stinson and her sci-fi hormones."

"Ok, yeah. Maybe I was a little uncertain." Robin, suddenly calm again. "But Jesus, Mosby, you know Barney loves me and has never lied to me. I had and have no doubts about what happened that night." Firm nod.

"It's just this afternoon you're worried about…" Tracy, carefully.

"Barney wouldn't lie to me. He couldn't, physically, it's a thing between us now. Plus it would violate the Bro Code, husbro section. But, that doesn't mean…Mosby? You want this one?" she eyed Ted's anxious face.

"Oh, oh, I got it!…She could've lied to him, regards her intentions. Yeah!" Ted, eagerly.

"I got that before she even gave you the underhand lob…" Tracy shrugged. "But you think she lied, then waited all this time to make her move?"

"I'm irrational…I'm allowed." Robin shrugs. "But wise in the sense I won't allow any possible entry of the serpent into my garden of Barnitude."

Ted eyeing Tracy… "Oh, yeah…I am so over this girl." They exchange high-five.

"Hey…That's lovely and romantic, in a creepy, obsessed with the bad boy kinda way." Robin insisted. "Don't you guys see? Barney is in a stable, loving relationship at last and a wonderful spouse. It's horrible enough, bimbowise. Girls who'd've spit on old Barney, lying in the gutter, see husbro Barney and want to off their boyfriends and husbands to be with him."

"That is true…One of them the other night asked if I'd like to go halves on a hit man for you and we'd divide Barney between us. I said it'd cost too much to get rid of my permanent babysitter." Tracy noted to Robin, patting a stunned Ted.

"Exactly." Robin said. Narrowly eyeing Tracy…

"Robin, I be immune to husbro Barney, don't worry."

"Oh, sure." Nod. Narrow look…Then sigh… "But you can see. If that's the effect husbro Barney has on vacant, needy bimbos he's wronged, several times in a few cases…"

"An intelligent player anti-Barney who's freaked over him before in the early stages of hopeless loverbro, yet still cynical and using, Barney…Encounters selfless husbro Barney…" Ted nodded thoughtfully. "Potentially, very dangerous."

"Right? Right? Yeah, see I'm not suffering from paranoia which is a possible symptom of my Dyad hormonal therapy according to the very small print on my hormone meds." Robin agreed, happily.

"Maybe some, but not much…Right? Right?" she added, nodding to their uncertain faces. "Anyway, no big deal, I'm just gonna keep them separated, till they die. Hopefully, she first. Just a precaution, you know. Oh…" she sobbed, head down.

"I know I should trust in him and us. What?" she looked up at Ted's expectant face. "This one isn't just the hormones, Ted."

"Well, with any luck they'll never meet again. Especially today." Tracy noted, brightly, averting gaze from the bar door just opened. "Nope, no real chance of that. I mean, what would be the odds that she'd come by here instead of going straight to her book signing and Barney would show at the exact moment…Right, honey? Maybe what, a one in a million…Billion? Chance?"

"I can see them at the door in the bar mirror, Tracy." Robin glared.

"Hey, guys!" Barney, in his trademark suit, cheerily calling to them from door. "Look who I ran into!"

…

2010…10:45 pm the night of Barney and Anita's dinner…

"Thank you sooo much, Barney." Anita began as they entered the outer reception room of Metro News 1.

"Hey Guys!" shriek…

"Yes." Anita, a bit curtly. "Hello, Patrice."

"Hey there…" Barney nodded at the figure before them, up from her cubicle. Ah, yes, Robin's annoying, cloying coworker Patrice.

Still, a nice person, really, outside her lack of…Well, everything Barney J. Stinson is looking for…

"That's so nice of you to remember me, Ms. Appleby." Warm smile. "Hey, Barney! Did you come to see Robin? She's finishing her make-up for 11 o'clock." Happy beam.

"No, not at all…" Barney, nervously twitching.

"No, in fact we're on a date." Anita, firmly.

"Oh, that's nice." Beam, then puzzled look. "Why did you come here, then?"

"Best view in New York on the roof by night that one can access without serious bribery, risk of arrest, or being the night janitor." Barney explained. "Besides, Anita and Robin are friends."

"Bwah…Ha, ha, hah…" Patrice, giggling.

"What?" Anita, frowning. "No." firm stare.

"No, what?" Patrice eyed her innocently. "Oh…Your book." Smiling nod, shrug. "But…? Why would you want to 'no' me? We don't even know each other and I don't really care for your ideas. They seem awful to me."

"What?" Anita blinked.

"Really…?" Barney smiled.

"Yeah, I mean, it's mean to lead someone on for ten or twenty or whatever many…"

"Seventeen…" Anita, brittle, annoyed.

"Whatever many…Dates, then you're going to be mean to them? I know you say it's to get back at guys who aren't very nice but…" shake of head. "It just sounds mean to me and a little silly. Why not just tell someone you don't like the way they're acting and…"

"My methods get results, Patrice! And no one asked you for your opinion!" harsh glare.

"Anita…Please…" Barney as Patrice shrugged.

"Sorry, I just don't think much of your book. But I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to. It's just I don't think Robin is your friend. She kinda agrees with me."

"Oh?" slightly exasperated air.

"Yeah, she said before she went on her date with Don the other night that your book was a load of horse…"

"Nobody asked you, Patrice!" Anita fumed.

"Wait a mo…" Barney cut in. "Patrice, why did Robin suddenly decide Anita's book was a load of horse crap?"

"Hey…!" Anita glared.

"I think when you were going with Anita on your big date, she wasn't very happy." Patrice sighed. "I'm sorry Anita, but I don't like to lie. She was crying, though she told me she wasn't. She does that a lot."

"Cries?" Barney, anxiously…

"Well…Some…But it's more she tells me she's not…Crying, angry, desperate…When I can tell she is. She's my friend, even if she doesn't believe that and I know when she's trying to hide the way she feels."

"But she was…Crying?" Barney stared.

"She was hurt, Barney." Patrice sighed.

"But…She's not…She doesn't care about me." Barney, nervously. "She's with Don…Right?"

"I give that three months, at the outside." Patrice shrugged. "But even if he did make her happy, it wouldn't stop her from being hurt about you. Just like with you, Anita and…"

Anita, blinking…

"He's hurt too…Why did you do that to him?" Patrice shook head at her.

"Hmmn?" Barney turned to eye Anita.

"I…Didn't…No one…Asked…You…" Anita, weeping now, Patrice moving to embrace her.

"He was very hurt?" she looked up at Patrice who sighed.

"I think so…" nod. "I mean he's not the type to really get all…But…Yeah."

"Ohhh…" weeping.

Barney, rolling eyes…

Dames. Even a barracuda like Anita.

And…Robin?

Crying?

No…

"No, she's with Don and she's happy. It's fine. You're right, Patrice. She was just hurt a bit that I was so thoughtless. I made it up to her by giving her and Don the superdate. She's fine." He insisted, firm nod, slight shaking of hand.

"I don't think so, Barney." Shake of head, sigh. Faint smile. "And wasn't Don who gave her the big date…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…She's got the studly newscaster to keep her occupied for a bit. What about…?" Anita broke in, anxiously. "He was really…?"

"You hurt him, Anita, yeah…" Patrice sighed.

"Oh…" Anita, touching head in anxiety, twisting nervously… "Barney? What am I going to do?"

"We have a plan, Anita." He reassured her. "Patrice?" he turned to the woman. "You know we're not really dating, right?"

"I didn't want to say, but yeah…It's pretty obvious." Nod. Anita frowning…

Somehow I sense potential competition here…I mean in the professional counseling sense…

"Well, Anita wants to put things right. And I'm helping her…"

"Oh, for Robin!" eager clap.

"No, no…Not for Robin." He frowned. "This is just…Well…" he sighed, eyeing the two women.

"Someone should get a happy ending out of all this…"

…


	4. Chapter 4

How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.

Part IV…

Present day...Mclarens…

"But it was for you." Ted eyed Robin who gave coy smile.

"Oh yeah..." then anxious look over to where Barney and 2019 Anita Appleby were coming over…

Phew...Visible relief overwhelming her face, Ted and Tracy staring at her, then back over…

Ohhhh…

...At a very pregnant Anita Appleby…

"Excuse me, gotta go pee again and weep my guts out in the girls' room. I don't want Barney to see me so upset, at least not when I'm so happy." Robin beamed through running tears, rising carefully.

"Back in a mo, husbro!" her cry to Barney, who gave rather concerned look.

"Guess the hit man is canceled." Ted noted to Tracy.

"Maybe. She's pretty on edge."

"Guys? Robin ok?" Barney, anxiously looking after her. "Ted. You remember Anita Appleby?" he introduced a smiling if weary-looking Anita.

"Anita Appleby, Ted's wife Tracy McConnell-Mosby."

"Hey. He's just well trained by Robin, it's Mosby." Tracy offered hand.

"Nice to meet you. Hi, Ted! Great to see you again!" wave. "Could we catch up in just five? I gotta join Robin in pregnancy pee."

"All too familiar to me...Go." Tracy smiled, waving her off.

"Club soda and lime...Thanks." Anita noted to Barney, then hurried off.

"She looks good, right?" Barney noted, taking seat. "Is Robin ok? Was she feverish at all? Did you notice any strange behavior? Was she confused or disoriented? Did she mention any pain? Guys?" increasingly anxious tone.

"No more than normal for Scherbatsky, she's ok." Ted, soothingly.

"Really, we kept a close eye. She's good." Tracy agreed.

"Of course. Nothing to worry about. I don't know why you guys get so worried." Barney, calming.

"I should get a urine sample." he rose. "I'll just get a to go cup from the bar."

"No, no, no, no..." Tracy insisted. "I'll go. You sit with your friend here and tell him how unworried you are that you're about to panic a bunch of girls in the ladies room, including some who don't even know you." she rose.

Thanks. Ted beamed.

"Thanks, Trace." Barney, gratefully. Then turning to Ted… "Boy, these girls should get worked up over a little pregnancy, right?" confident smile belying nervous eyeing of the bathroom door.

"Sure." Ted nodded, sympathetic smile. "She really is ok, Barney. We're keeping an eye on her."

"Right. Right." nod. "I never should've agreed to this. What if something goes wrong? Ted, I found that damned Frankenstein clinic." rubbing face desperately.

"Barney. You and Marshall checked out everything. Robin checked out everything. And that girl Sarah Manning, the one who was on TV, promised she'd have the Canadian media and police on 'em in a second if they screwed up. It's fine. And she wanted this."

"Yeah, of course. Yeah." nervous nod. "Because she loves me and she knows how much I wanted a kid. It's all my fault, Ted. If anything happens..."

"Barney! Nothing is going to happen. Robin is going to have your daughter and you'll be a great dad. It's going to be...wait for it...No, she's going to be...Wait for it..."

"Ellie, Ted...Marvin's got the Wait for It..."

"Well, she could still..."

"Nah. She won't need Awesome or Legendary to be both. She's Robin's daughter." smile. "Why is she taking so long?" nervous glance to bathroom.

"My god, Barney, calm down. Marshall told me you've been crazy to work with these last few but you're going to be the one in the hospital. And Robin needs a husband who isn't in the hospital."

"Right, right...You're right. But it's good, I'm fine. The anti-anxiety meds are making a big difference."

"Yeah, I can see that." Ted nodded. "So...Anita Appleby? That's really something...You just ran into her? We heard she had a book signing..."

"'Of Course Happiness Can Be Yours, Pull Yourself Together You Dumb Slut', it's quite a read." Barney agreed. "Well, she was hoping I'd be here, she wanted to thank me again, in person. She really didn't have to, but I did want her to set any fears or rumors to rest, Robin being just a little on edge these days, you know? And she'd never heard the full story...Though I've told her what I knew."

"Thank you...For whatever happened you never told us about? I mean what transpired after Robin and Don went on your superdate and you warded off Anita all night…?"

"Oh..." shrewd look, nod. "Robin's already told you..."

"Up to you and Anita, phony date at Metro News 1...Patrice involved."

"Dear ole Patrice...You know she has a new book out too."

"Yeah, Tracy got a copy for Mother's Day, from me. Pure gold, her every word is a treasure of joy and hope in life." solemn nod.

"Yeah, Patrice is upbeat, bless her heart. Of course it's not a guy read."

"Uh, no, certainly not."

Cut to shots of Ted and Barney separately in cars tearing up over the audio copy of Patrice's book.

"Anyway, Anita looks great, doesn't she?" Barney noted.

"Yeah...Pregnancy great." Ted, shrugging.

"Ted? What's that supposed to mean? Pregnancy beauty is awesome." frown. "You've experienced it with Tracy, how can you not be awed-some?"

"Listen to you...Can this be Barney Stinson?" Ted chuckled.

"Hey. I always found pregnant girls attractive. It's an exception in the Bro Code of long standing."

Tracy, emerging from bathroom, covered cup in hand, thumb's up to Barney's relieved look…

"Well, that's good. Knew she was ok." Barney noted, pulling cell phone and pressing speed dial. "Yes, Dylan...I have this afternoon's sample, get a courier here asap. I want the test results by 5 pm."

"You have a 'pee' guy?" Ted stared.

"Yeah...Didn't you both times? Ted?" careful stare. "How could you, Ted Mosby, not have a 'pee' guy for the pregnant missus?"

"I think I may want his number..." Ted, thoughtfully.

"So...Anita's looking great, right?" Barney resumed. "We'll overlook your qualification, Mosby."

"Thanks. And as to the story of why she owes you thanks?"

"Ah, yes. The secret 'date' we had." solemn regarding of Ted's eager face.

"And Patrice was involved?"

"Indeed she was..." nod. "So, you want to hear?"

"Yes...But...I suppose Tracy should be here."

"Ted." frown. "I love Tracy but you can't let yourself be tied by strings, chained by, well, chains."

"Uh-huh. You make that speech to Robin?"

"Of course. We have that kind of relationship." confident tone.

"Where she has you so locked up, she doesn't even bother to slap you down when you make a futile gesture of independence?"

"Dude...I am the Master of My Fate, the Captain of My Soul..."

"That's her favorite poem..." shrewd look.

"Hey, couples learn from each other...Nothing wrong with that. But as to the story…?"

"Yeah, go ahead. Tracy had to go pee, too. Probably from watching the pregnant girls. I can tell her later. I need new stories anyway..."

"You sure you don't need to pee? You being the most pregnant girl I know."

Frown to Barney's grin..."Fine, just tell me. Say, does Trace look pregnant to you?"

….

2010, Metro News 1 main office…

"So he's still on leave?" Anita asked Patrice. "Is his daughter?"

"Oh, she's better now, thanks to him. He really took great care of her in the hos...Anita?" Patrice stared as Anita collapsed into a chair, sobbing.

("The amazing thing was how she got that dress into that chair..." Barney noted in present day.)

"I...I...I didn't know, I was upset about Barney dumping me and...And...And...I thought he was just trying to...To...To...Get away from me." weeping.

"No, she really was ill. She nearly died." Patrice, gently.

"And...And...And...What did I do? What did I say? I snarled at him and told him he ought to tell his wife...Oh, no..." moan, weeping…

"I know you didn't know he was a widower, but that was a little..." Patrice sighed. "I mean, your 'no' works pretty well, I guess, but he'd never go off with someone else if he were still married. Michael is a fine man."

"He is. He is, Patrice." Anita, weeping… "Barney? You have a handkerchief?"

"Yes. Hand woven Tibetian silk. Let me get you a paper towel or tissue." he went to desk.

"My lower cabinet, to the right, first drawer." Patrice pointed. "I keep them handy, we always seem to have someone upset by the news."

"I can make it up to him, I can, Patrice." Anita, insistent. "Oh, when he left with the look on his face and didn't even respond to my 'no'… Thanks, Barney." she took tissue.

"Yeah...Just don't get your running mascara on my suit, ok?"

"He looked just like my daddy..." Anita sighed. "Oh, what a fool I was. But I really did like him, Patrice. That's why I kept using my 'no' on him. But I'm such a...A...A..."

"Bitch? Dominatrix? Ho?" Barney suggested.

"I was going to say, independent sort." she frowned, then teared again. "But you're right..." weeping. "Though I was afraid to ask him...I see that now. I figured a guy like that, no pretensions, utterly secure in himself. He had to be married or something. And it was just a mix of boredom and my own awesomeness...Naturally." proud nod to Barney, returned.

Respect…

"Then Barney 'no'd me for our date and...I just..." sob. "I figured he was just making an excuse to end it. I told myself, hey, I don't care...I only go out with great-looking guys with huge bank accounts. I guess the 'ho' fits." sad and downcast look.

"No, no...I'm sorry, Anita. That was mean." Barney, patting her.

"You really want him back?" Patrice eyed her.

"He's like my daddy...Not that I have daddy issues. I just mean he's the wonderful sort of no-nonsense guy I always hoped I'd end up with after going through a few wealthy hunk jerks like the Hollywood stars do." Anita shrugged. "But I blew it...I saw it in his eyes. No 'no' is gonna get him back."

"Now, now...Appleby." Barney had come over to her. "This is not the woman who nearly, but by no means actually, brought Barnabas J. Stinson low. We have a plan, remember?"

"Yeah...But this is real, Barney." Anita, daubing eyes. "Not trying to score points and beat a jerk...No offense. This is someone who might really be...The One. Who thinks I'm a skanky, dominating, heartless, unfeeling bitch now."

"No..." Barney, soothingly, while eyeing Patrice's weeeelll...stare.

"Though of course, there are other middle-aged unattached cameramen in New York and across the country..." he noted. "Most of whom would be overjoyed to get the faintest of 'no's from a beautiful and successful..."

"What?" she stared. "Michael's not some average schmo guy I ran into and hooked for fun...Well, that was only at first when I wanted to impress Robin and because I didn't know him then…" glare.

"Well then, Appleby...Given you're already the incredible equivalent of suited up in a smokin' hot babe. If he's the One. Go get him." Barney nodded firmly.

….


End file.
